February Rhymes



February1st: Phantom

Ah hear deep toots, that's a big boat
But thers nae big boat oot ther
It's jist aw grey tae far away
It must be hidin up a loch sumwher

Thers two mair toots fae this big boat
Ur the wee boat wie a big horn
But why cin ah no see it
This isnae quite the norm

Ah've scanned aw roon the shoreline
Ah've luiked wey oot tae sea
Thers still nae sign ae a big boat
This sure is a mystery

Thers a phantom boat tootin away oot ther sumwher this mornin.. Boo!



February 3rd : The UFO

Whits that ah cin see oot the windae
Far away an high up in the sky
It's no a trombone an it isnae a drone
Whit orrer bright objects cin fly

So ah hud tae git oot the big bino's
Tae deek this high up hing ah see
Well it wisnae a Yoon but it wis a balloon
An it's Maggies, theday she is three

Ah take it thit Maggie hus loast this
Oan the wey up the road fae the shoap
But it's noo oan it's wey tae far far away
An it disnae luik like it wull stoap

Happy Birthday tae yersel ther Maggie..Heeeucht!

February 4th: Biscuits

Ah must huv dozed aff, afore ah woke up
Cause ah poured some cauld tea intae a big cup
En ah thought thit ah'd huv, a nice Custard Cream
As those wir the biscuits thit wir in ma dream
So ah opened the cupboard, en ah opened the tin
But ther wisnae wan singel Custard Cream ther within!

Whit! Nae Custard Creams?
You Cannot Be Serious? 
Right, how dae ye make Custard Creams? 
Ah see, ah'll jist huv a digestive en.

Note tae sell: Git two packets ae Custard Creams ramorra.




February 7th: Jeesushovis

So ah'm burnin some gash in the oven
When ther wis a chap at the door
It wisnae a bloke, it wis two strange fowk
Thit ah huvny seen roon here afore

They tell me thiv come wie a message
Ah telt thaim ah um makin the dinner
So wid huv tae furgo ther message ae woe
As ah'm happy jist bein a sinner

En they tell me ah'll no go tae heaven
Mibbes that's cause ah'm no yit broon breid
Ur mibbes it's cause ah'll no listen
Tae the crap thit they huv in ther hied

Ah never said it wis aliens..But!


February 10th: Quiche

It wis dark when a chopped up the cabbage
It wis dark when ah made the paste-ree
The cabbage is no fur the pizza
An the pizza is no fur the tea

Dae ye actually know whit yer daein?
Ay, ah'm makin a hell ae a mess
Alang wie a quiche, some breid furra piece
An wee pizzas annaw ah wid guess

Ah hink that is me aboot feenished
The ovens noo fillt wie taste-ees
But ah still huv tae wash aw the dishes
Ah wid rether no huv tae dae these

Cue tune: Popcorn


February 11th: Mud

Ah'm away up the parks wher thers nohin
Bar this boy in Hi-Vis, maistly yella
So ah asked wie a polite enquire
Dae ye know wher yer gaun ther noo fella?

He wis luikin fur some partial construction
Thit hus a no built yit address
Ye canny git wey up here in a lorry
Ye'd git stuck an git intae a mess

But ther buildin oor ther oan that next hill
An thers access right up tae the site
Why no try ther fur tae affload yer lorry?
En ye'll no git stuck here oornight

Mobile phones dinnae wurk oot here san!



February 12th: Baltic

Ah went intae the toilet this mornin
As ah thought ah wid huv a wet shave
But the temperature in ther is Baltic
In ther only venture the brave

But it's no really cauld here this mornin
So sumhin in ther isnae right
En ah noticed thit the toilet windae
Hud bin lyin wide open aw night

So the moral ae this nonsense story
Is afore ye tuck up warm an tight
Make sure thit yiv shut aw the windaes
En ye wullny freeze solid the night

Well, unless yiv jist goat yer total rip aff OVO Energy bill in that is!

Friday The 13th

The day it is Friday the 13th
Some stay hame so as no tae tempt fate
Some dinnae like the 13th oan Tuesday
Fur masel, ah hink Fridays ur great

Though ah widnae go pokin ma toaster
Wie a big long an metallic skewer
An ah widnae go bathin in petrol
Ur drink bleach fur the cauld as a cure

But if ye dae loads ae sky divin
Ur walk oan the wings ae a plane
Ah wid hink thit oan days wie a thirteen
Ye wid be much safer at hame



February 15th: Mince

Ah took mince oot the freezer fur dinner
But ah dinnae want mince, hinks me
Ye cuid mibbes jist make some nice meatbaws
That wid make a wee chainge fur the tea

Well, whit if ye made us beef burgers?
Ye cuid slap aw that mince oan a roll
Is ther salad tae go wie this menu?
Fur tae slice up an mix in a bowl

Well, the answer tae that is ther isnae
So ma heids noo gaun intae a daze
En this idea it suddenly hut me
Why no jist make Scots Bolognese?

Whits Scots Bolognese? 
Mince!
Mince it is en.


February 18th: Intae The Unknown

It's lighter thin dark
An darker thin light
It must be the mornin
Cause it isnae the night

Ther isnae nae rain
But ther is a fer breeze
So it's no feckin warm
Yit wir no in deep freeze

Wull we git sleet?
Ur wull we git snaw?
The answer tae that
Is ah really don't know

Whit ah dae know is thit it wull rain at some point, so ah better pit ma big coat oan, jist tae be safe, cause thedays werrer forecast is fur everyhin, bar sun!

February 20th: Rain

It's stoatin doon an howlin
An Mr Dug wants oot
But ah dinnae feel like gittin wet
So ah sit an type this toot

Wir oot in the back gairden
Wher Mr Dug jist wullny poo
So ah huv tae take him up the parks
It's whit ye huv tae do

He's piddled in the shrubbery
An lagged upon a tree
But wullnae dae his ploppy poops
So he sits an whines at me

Right, whers ma wellies, lits go.
Whits that Mr The Dug? Ah furgoat yer sper baw, so ah did, silly me.


February 21st: Dreich

It's damp, it's dreich, it's drizzle
Some might say thit it is wet
At least it isnae stoatin doon
At least it isnae yet

Ah've goat oan ma big jaiket
Yit ah'm still soaked tae the skin
This dampness is jist aw aroon
That's how it jist gits in

It's cinna like a sauna
Except it isnae warm
But ah'm telt it's only watter
An wullny dae ye ony harm

We hoomans ur mibbes watterproof but this werrer canny dae wir claithes much guid, ther oan a permanent wash cycle! 



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