Rhymes for January

December The 29th

Ther a boy dauners past here this mornin

Thit wis sufferin fae lang reekin lums

He wis full ae guid cheer, said Happy New Year

Obviously no very guid at the sums

See theday we ur still in the Auld Year

The new wans no here yit alas

He still hus two days tae climb up the braes

Afore year 26 comes tae pass

He sais he went doon tae his mithers

En his brorrers, but no yesterday

So he staggers along singin the auld year song

Wie nae idea whit the year is theday

Ah wonner if he minded the milk?

January 5th ..Feckin Baltic

Oor brae is steep an slippy

The novice widnae trek

But ah goat doon an up wie milk

An never broke ma neck

Tae say oot ther is cauld theday

Is a statement some wid make

They say ye'll never git doon ther

Oan feet wieoot a brake

Ah wis never wan ae listen

Tae whit orrer people say

So ah went doon an goat back up

In an ambulance byraway

It's jist as weel they wir gaun past ma hoose, fur a minute ther ah didnae hink they wir gittin back up the hill thaimsels!

January 11th

It is darker thin night

That's a bath no a shower

An it's blowin a hooley

But fur noo we huv power

The rain batters doon

The dug gies a whine

Ah say come oan en

Mr Dug sais "Ah'm fine"

So Mr The Dug stuck his nose oor the door , luiked up at me an said "Shoorlies surely,  yer no hinkin aboot gaun oot in that? Yer oan yer ain sir" 

Ay, it's a grim wet an wild wan oot ther theday

January 12th ..Flu!

Thers naebdy sayin awrite theday

They aw jist say 'achoo'

En wipe ther nose wie bog roll

Cause they've aw goat the flu

Rid noses run like Gorbals weans

Oan every face ah meet

Runnin noses ur a warnin

'Dinnae loiter doon the street'

Ah git back hame tae sanctuary

An en a hear 'achoo, achoo'

It is the senior partner

Whaes in bed wie the flu

Ah'm away up the parks, thers only coos up ther,  an ye dinnae often see a coo wie the flu!

January 14th: Wet

It is dark an it's cauld also wet ah um told

By an expert fae ther nice warm car

But ther isnae nae ice so that makes it nice

Fur a stroll up the road oan the tar

But further afar when ye step aff the tar

An the tracks ur jist watter an mud

Ah cin go ther tae git some fresh air

Yer car canny go ther ya fud

So ah stroll away oan this wet winters day

Jist hinkin how lucky ah am

Cause no long ago ah wid puff an blow

Pushin ma Grandweans up here in a pram

January 16th: Really Early

A wee bark came fae ootside this mornin

Mr Dug gave a bark in reply

I'ts awfy dark fur a bark, they ur huvin a lark

So ah deeked at the clock wie wan eye

It wis 3:58 in the mornin

An Mr Dug wisnae wantin a pee

He went back tae bed an buried his head

So ah made a nice cuppa tea

Ah sat ther by masel in the kitchen

Aw alone wie ma nice cuppa tea

When in stoats the cat, hud a scratch at the mat

An said "Haw you ther boy, whit aboot me?"

Ay, Mrs The Cat's dish wis empty, a wonner whae ate that?

January 21st: Samosas

Ah wis gaunny make Veggie Samosas

Ur make sumhin nice wie the mince

Ah made yer veggie Samosas ther last year

But a huvny made Samosas since

Ah wis hinkin aboot Cornish Pasties

Cause ah huv made the pastry fur thaim

An if ah jist stir fry some veggies

Ah cuid make Veggie Samosas again

But ah'm no sure if we huv ony cumin

Ur ony orrer ae the required spice

An wie oot spices yer Veggie Samosas

Urny spicy an widny be nice

Whit a dilemma, ah'll jist make baith en, cause wiv goat curry powder.

January 25th : Burns Night

Oh Fur A Haggis

Ah bought some pluck in entrails

Tae huv fur tea the night

En ah wonner how tae cook it

Which cookin wey is right?

Dae ah fry this stuff ur roast it?

Dae ah bile it in a pot ?

It disnae really metter

As long as it is hoat

So ah've opted fur tae fry the beast

In a big cast iron pan

But ye huv tae disembowel it furst

Afore you cin dae that san!

A wonner if Rab Burns fried his haggis?

Ah wid imagine thit back in they days they jist flung the hale beast straight oan the fire.

January 26th: Darkness

Ah'm waitin fur the sun tae rise

It husny yit come oot

It must huv risen sumwher

Ah jist dunno wher aboot

Ah tried turnin aff the big light

In the hope ah might entice

Some light tae shine fae ootside

As some daylight wid be nice

But this isnae gaunny happen

The sun hus gaun oan holiday

Luiks like wull huv the big light oan

Fur illumination here theday

At least it's no rainin..Yit!

January 31st: Silence

Nuhins stirrin, it's silent this mornin

Aw the populous must be at hame

Thers jist the odd squawk ae a shitehawk

An even that wan is oot oan it's ain

Aw the craws ur away fur ther breakfast

An the deer dinnae make ony noise

Mr Dug is jist lyin ther sleepin

An the cat isnae greetin fur toys

This eerie silence is sumwhit disturbin

Nae rumble ae cars doon the street

Nae barkin ae dugs cin ah hear in ma lugs

Jist the squeak ae the boots oan ma feet

This is too quiet fur me, no fur long though!