Caulds
They huv aw caught wee caulds theday
Appose ah'll git wan tae
But this wullny stoap me singin
Much tae everywans dismay
They say thit ah um noisy
This is mibbes cause ah'm deef
Apparently ma happy chants
Cause thaim a lot ae grief
Ah really cuidny care less
Ah sing aw through the day
An if they dinnae like it
They cin sing a wee song tae
Feel free tae jyne in: Aw day, aw day, oh whit ah die day!
An byraway, ah dae know the wurds, ah jist prefer ma ain.
Their Cauld
Tis the season ae the common cauld
When everywan gits ill
Ye canny cure this bug wie medicine
Ur a healthy vit C pill
Ther is no much point in greetin
Ur lyin in yer bed
Whit you huv ther is a heid cauld
An that's maistly in yer head
Ye huv tae jist git oan wey it
Try an smile an luik happee
An dinnae take advice fae me
Ah huvny goat a cauld ye see
Ah jist need a couple ae chords tae go wie this noo.
"Will Youfuckinshutup!"
Wid that Will yer refferin tae ther mibbes be me? Huh!
Moonlight
Moonlight shone through the curtains
It wis really cauld an dark
Mr Dug lit oot a great big yawn
So we nipped up tae the park
We came hame an pit the light oan
Ah stuck the kettle oan fur tea
Mr Dug he jist went back tae bed
He disnae like hoat drinks ye see
When we went oot this frosty mornin
The stars wir oot an glistenin
It's time tae go back oot again
An it's still dark, but noo it's pishin
The big lights still oan, it wis feckin brighter an drier when the moon wis oot!
Mair Dugs
Ther cries mean Lassie hus gaun missin
Ah wonner wher this dug cuid be?
See when Lassie Dug goes missin
It means she's nipped up here fur tea
But noo ah huv her nummer
An cin phone hame jist tae say
Thit Lassie Dug's no missin
An really isnae far away
She ay comes in the back wey
Wher noo ther is nae track
We ur gled ae Lassies visits
But hame is wher she's gaun back
Ah wonner how she gits oot the gairden? It's aw fenced in.
Wet
Theday the forecast is fur rain
Ramorras rain as well
Rains forecast fur the next day
Luiks like a rainy spell
Oot this wey rain is nuhin new
A day wie oot rain is quite bliss
But fae noo until the seventeenth
Rain is forecast fur tae piss
The forecast mibbes hus it wrang
An wan day it mibbes snaw
So ye better pit yer big coat oan
Cause ye never really know
Mon Mr The Dug, lits go oot an git wet furra wee chainge.
Festive Cheer
Evri's went an loast ma parcel
Ther wis nuhin in the hing fur me
It wis aw stockin fillin crap
Tae keep the weans happee
Noo ah'll need tae fun replacements
Fur aw this festive stuff
An if ah've no goat this fur Xmas
The weans wull go in the huff
Ah dunno wher ah'll git this gear
Ah'll mibbes nip up tae the toon
Santas pressies huv tae be jist right
Ur the weans wull git real doon
Ye yased tae git an orange an a Mars Bar in yer stoakin cause yer socks wirnae big enough tae haud onyhin else.
Adult weans eh?
Washin
Ah took the washin aff the pulley
But canny git it oan the bedroom cher
The last washin aff the pulley
Is still aw lyin ther
They say ah umny organised
An shuid pit it aw away
Ah canny see the point in that
These claithes ur gaun back oan theday
Well ther mibbes no gaun back oan the day, mibbes ramorra.
But whit ah'm werrin the noo wull git wet theday, so whits the point in stuffin aw yer dry claithes away in a drawer wher ye'll never fun whit yer luikin fur when ye need it.
Ah ask ye?
The Parcel
Evri's went an loast ma parcel
Ther wis nuhin in the hing fur me
It wis aw stockin fillin crap
Tae keep the weans happy
Noo ah'll need tae fun replacements
Fur aw this festive stuff
An if ah've no goat this fur Xmas
The weans wull go in the huff
Ah dunno wher ah'll git this gear
Ah'll mibbes nip up tae Glesga toon
Santas pressies huv tae be jist right
Ur the weans wull git real doon
Ye yased tae git an orange an a Mars Bar in yer stoakin cause yer socks wirnae big enough tae haud onyhin else.
Crocs
Ah wis aboot tae order shoe size seven
Ah thought size seven wid fit thaim fine
En they tell me thit ma grandwean
Noo wers a big size nine
Whit aboot the orrer wan?
Well ther a nine annaw
It seems ther feet ur the same size
As ther veggie munchin Maw
Whit aboot the wee fella
Wid a seven fit him en?
Och away an no be silly
He takes a shoe size ten
Feet eh, when did they grow thaim?
Ah'm telt ther too auld fur bright yella croc boots noo.
Whit? Yer never too auld fur bright yella crocs!
The Too Early Tree
Every year they pit a tree up
Mrs Cat en pulls it doon
Mr Dug wull hide ahint a cher
An the circle jist goes roon
Wid it no be a lot better
Tae wait till Mithras day
Ur pit wir tree up oan the solstice
As traditionalists wid dae
This wid save a lot ae baubles
It wid save the Dug much worry
Dinnae gie the cat a tree tae climb
An she'll jist curl up aw purry
This isnae exactly rocket science here, is it?
Jist gaunny no.
Curry
Ah pondered whit tae make fur tea
Well, ah wisnae in a hurry
So ah rounded up some vegetables
An stuck thaim in a curry
Ah thought the tea wis sorted
When a fired in the spice
But whit ur we noo huvin?
Cause ther isnae ony rice
Ah went doon the shoaps an goat some
An en when ah goat hame
Thers rice lyin in the cupboard
An it's exactly jist the same
Open yer eyes san, ur mibbes jist move intae the shoap.
Ye spend mair time in that feckin shoap thin ye dae in the hoose!
Soup
Ah made a pot ae chicken soup
Wie stock cubes thit taste like ham
The makers chainged the wrappers roon
So they mibbes might be lamb
See ah took the cubes oot ae the packet
An stuck thaim intae a jar
But the wee sign printed oan ther cubes
Cuid very weel be a wee car
Wan wrappers icon is a fryin pan
An ah hink it's coloured green
It is the oddest luikin animal
Thit ah huv ever seen
It's jist as weel ah fired a few chicken bits in ther annaw.
Whit? Lamb an ham fae a chicken?
Noo that's clever!
Ah never added a fryin pan though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMnl7H6KVgY
Elf
Luiks like we huv wir ain Elf oan the shelf noo
Whae bought that Yankee corporate tat?
Ah hud enough ae the spyin wee basart
So ah gied him tae oor Mrs Cat
Mrs Cat hus since chewed his wee heid aff
An his stuffins aw oor the mat
That's whit ye git fur tellin yer stories
Noo feck off an tell Santa Claus that
Santa knows whit yer gittin fur yer Xmas
An he knows whit he's gittin himsel
He disnae need a snidey wee elf
Tae grass up ur shop ye an tell
Whit dae ye mean you're gittin it ?
Elves eh?
The Big Wrap
It's jist aboot mid day time
An it's darker thin at night
It's jist as weel we huv the hing
Known as the ceilin light
Ah kept the hard tae wrap up pressies
Fur this time alone theday
So huv ah goat these wrapped noo?
The answer is No Way
Ah hud tae go fur sticky tape
Then chainge fae wet tae dry
An noo the ceilin bulb hus gaun
Feck this, sais me tae I
Ah checked in aw the cupboards
Fur a bright bulb like that wan
But dae ye hink we huv wan?
Dinnae you be silly noo ther san
The University Birthday Girl
It wis dark at two minutes past seven
So ah texted at quarter past eight
It wis jist tae say Happy Birthday
An hoapin thit everyhis great
Guid luck wie yer exams ramorra
Guid luck wie yer exams theday
It's only two days tae it's Friday
An en ye'll be hame an away
Heeeeeucht! xxxxxxxxx
Friday On My Mind : The Easybeats
The Day Before The Winter Solstice
Ther ur twinty four hours in ramorra
Even though this is oor shortest day
The clock oan the waw coonts the hours
Time disnae exist by the way
Oan wir short day ther is jist less daylight
An maist ae this daylight is dark
The clock oan the waw sais it's time tae git up
This clock must be huvin a lark
So noo as yer coontin the minutes
Fourteen forty ther ur in a day
Try coontin how mony ur daylight
It wull be dark long afore ye cin say
Ah goat tae thirty two minutes ae twilight ther, afore they clouds came oor!
A Winter Washin
It cin git wet oor here in the winter
Sumtimes we cin even git snaw
Jack Frost he cin sprinkle a wee bitty white
But the wind never ceases tae blow
It's rare fur tae hing up yer washin ootside
This mair likely goes up oan the pulley
Ootside might be dry an youse ask me why
It's cause the wind is ay blowin a hooley
The wind isnae blowin here this mornin
An ootside ther isnae nae rain
But the washins still up oan the pulley
Cause it wull soon be dark here again
The Arrival
Ther ur loads ae fowk doon at the ferry
Some fowk ur gaun far far away
But the wans whae ur noo disembarkin
Huv come oor fur a wee festive stay
It's too early the noo fur ma ain kin
They'll be oor here at some point theday
Ah dunno how long they'll be stayin
An ah wonner when they'll go away
Noo ye know thit ah am only kiddin
Ah luik furrit tae seein ma weans
A day ur two visits jist lovely
Much longer an they gie me grief pains!
Huv A Guid Wan
Twis the day afore Xmas
An in this madhoose
Thers a dug in the kictchen
The mad cat's oan the loose
The cat's oan the bunker
The per ae thaim ster
In the hope sumhin tasty
Draps doon tae the flair
Git oot ae the kitchen
Yer pushin yer luck
This isnae fur youse
So youse cin gettifu
The dugs ate the cats food
The cats ate the dugs
Ah've no ate nuhin
Which wan ae us is the mugs?
Ah sit at the table
Wie ma tea an toast
They ster at the oven
Like thers sumhin thiv loast
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