Enigmas
A mysterious, perplexing, or puzzling situation, event, or person that is difficult to understand or explain.
"The enigma of human consciousness has puzzled philosophers and scientists for centuries."
"The enigma of human consciousness has puzzled philosophers and scientists for centuries."
It represents a conundrum or a riddle that challenges conventional knowledge or reasoning. Enigmas often evoke a sense of intrigue, fascination, and curiosity due to their elusive nature. They possess qualities that defy simple explanations or logical interpretations, leaving individuals in a state of uncertainty or confusion. Enigmas can exist in various domains, including literature, science, art, and human behavior. They inspire investigation, analysis, and contemplation as individuals attempt to unravel their complexities and unlock their hidden meanings. The term "enigma" carries an air of mystery and invites intellectual exploration, encouraging individuals to delve deeper into the unknown to uncover hidden truths or insights.
So here is ma listin ae scientific and academic questions tae which nae'bdy, anywhere except masel , hus or hus'ny yit bin able to provide a definitive answer fur.
Nummer Wan: Eerie Sounds Oot The Back Late At Night
Whit the fuck is that racket ? Sais I tae masel at hauf 11 at night.
I thought it wis either an F-wan eleven or the auld rattly air ambulance comin doon in the gairden!!
But ther wis nohin tae worry aboot, it wis jist ma favourite 90 yer auld neebur vacuumin his path wey an ancient 1950's model hoover!
Silly me, whit else cuid it possibly huv bin?
"Ur ye aw right?".. Enquires I ae he. But he wis fine, he hud the hing plugged intae a circuit breker?
Safety furst eh!
Next Eerie Nighttime Sound
Ther wis moi sittin through the kitchen in the late evening when ah heard this ooooweet, oooweet!
That's a strange wee burdy sound and a new wan tae masel,it sounds like a squeaky dug toy.
Checks unner the cushion, checks unner ma feet, nae squeaky dug toys in the vicinity.
So ah sais tae the informed wan "Listen ..Whits that?"
"It sounds like a bird" Replies they
That wull be anorrer wildlife mystery solved en !
Find mair answers tae universal enigmas @jistaskyersel.com
Mysteries Of The Universe
Ther wis masel staunin oot the back sterin up at aw the wee twinkly stars an planets hinkin tae masel ' Ye better luik oot yer thermals cause it's gaunny be feckin Baltic ramorra'
Then ah thought tae masel ,wher ur yer thermals byraway?
Well ah know thit thers two sets 'unwashed' in the washin basket.
But haw, you didnae pit the last clean washin away, did ye? Naw ,the Higher Authority did !
Fuck! Ma warm claithes cid be onywher.
Dinnae Panic! ...The Higher Authority mibbes no be sleeping yit!
Too late , the knowledge is in deepest Slumberland therefore the wheraboots ae ma ramorras under claddin shall remain a mystery!
Mair Astronomy
It wis
anorrer cauld night wey crystal clear skies an wance again ther wis moi
oot the back wey the dug, completely transfixed oan Venus, it wis
amazingly bright.
But aw ae a sudden ah thought tae masel "Jings it's
feckin Baltic oot here ,ye better go in an pit yer troosers oan !"
Well the cauld night air wis blowin right up ma snuggle fleece an doon ma wellies!
It
wis at this point ah requested fur Mr The Dug tae hurry up, but as
usual at this time ae night he decided thit he wis non conversant in
hooman lingo.
Whit if ah wis jist tae say No Comprende at dinner time Mr The Dug, Eh?
So the answer tae this conundrum shall be revealed ramorra at doggies dinner time.
UFO's
Ah watched this flashin UFO whizzin aboot oor the toon last night, it circled the tap field at high speed, hovered furra bit en drapped fae the sky like a stane intae a gairden up hill !
Ah ayways thought ther wis somehin strange gaun oan up that park, cause the gress is ay cut short and thers wee holes wey nummered flegs stickin oot thaim, an thers eighteen ae these cut gress areas spread aboot aw oor the shoap.
Quite obviously this is an extraterrestrial landin strip like the Nazca Lines except it's a wee bitty greener up ther.. doo roo roo roo..doo roo roo roo
Freezer
Why is ther ayweys six chips an a haunfy ae peas at the bottom ae the freezer drawer?
The peas ah git cause the claithes peg ay gits skelped aff the bag, but ah make ma ain chips, so wher dae the crinkle cut frozen hings come fae?
Tae answer this question ah asked AI tae run a 5 year simulation, an 42 trillion exabytes later know whit it came up wey?
Ay, a graphic illustration ae how tae build bridges wey sticks an string an shit,noo available tae purchase fur an extortionate price oan Amazon?
Light
The day is cauld, dreich and dark.
So ma big, big question fur the day is : Dae ah really need the big light oan?
Well thers only wan wey tae answer this conundrum an that is tae turn the big light aff an record the results.
The Results wir as follows :
9.15 am :Turns the big light aff
9.17 am :Turns the big light back oan
Conclusion: Daylight in Scotland durin dreich days travels at absolutely zero miles per minute an even fewer MPM oor the space ae two minutes
Ther ye go ,anorrer scientific enigma is resolved
Air Fryers
So thers the air fryer sittin oan the bunker wey a sticky note attached sayin 'The chips are cut and the chicken is seasoned , just preheat the fryer and stick everything in for 28 mins, remember to shake the basket half wey through '
Ay! Very guid... Wher ur the buttons, wher is the basket an wher is this technophobe who even hus trouble login intae ther emails when ye need thaim ?
Anywey, noo thit ah've figured oot wher the buttons ur oan the higher up wans new time savin kitchen device, ah thought ah wid try makin onion rings in the hing, this cuid be messy so a wee visit tae the University ae YouTube seemed in order.
Furst up 'Dumbo Cooks dat cam' whae hails fae across the pond an hus upploadit a 28 minute video oan how tae open a packet ae frozen onion rings.
Know Whit? Ay, the theme fae Deliverance instantly sprung tae mind!
Veterinary Science
So ah sais tae the higher authority.. "See when Mrs The Cat wis a wee cat ,well every mornin while ah wis cleanin ma teeth, she wid jump up oan the sink, watch whit ah wis daein en huv a wee drink ae watter oot the tap.
But whits borrerin me is the fact thit she hus'ny done this fur oor five year noo!
Dae ye hink thit mibbes she's sick?"
"Ay" Replies thaim "Seek ae you haverin feckin pish 24/7 "
Which wis a reassuring response tae ma anxious concern!
Invisibility
So thers the Higher Authority daunerin roon the toon square deekin up at the buildins when they hear this shout ae "Whit ur ye daein hen, ye luik like a tourist".. An ther wis wir auld neeburs who wir oot fur a wee dauner annaw.
So the Higher Authority responds wey "Hello youse ,ah'm avoidin huvin tae talk tae anybody, that's whit ah'm daein."
"We're the same." Reply thaim "So whers It?".. Obviously referrin tae masel.
"Ah dinnae want tae listen tae 'That' either." Answers ma better hauf.
"Ay, ye must huv the patience ae a saint hen." Wis the retort fae wir neeburs.
Know whit?..Invisibility must be ma orrer superpower!
Ah actually felt like turnin roon fae ma perch oan the summer-seat an sayin hello, but ah didnae borrer.
Trampolines
Due tae the recent spell ae rether blustery weather we huv hud an influx ae trampolines oot the back, low and behold this mornin ,thers anorrer big fuck off trampoline jist appeart fae oot ae naewher!
The mystery here is Wher dae these hings come fae?
See if ah wis in Government, ah widnae be investigatin yer alien drones, ah wid be haudin an enquiry tae fun oot wher these extraterrestrial trampolines ur comin fae, an exactly why they keep git thaimsels lost, cause ther fur defo a hazard tae phone lines.
But mair tae the point, how dae they git oor the thirty fit high trees thit wir completely surrounded by here?
So we will call this mystery : Unresolved
Mair Unidentified Wildlife
The sun is oot
The sky is blue
It's feckin Baltic
But ye canny huv everyhin
The wid doo's ur dooin, the craws ur crawin, the shitehawks ur shitein, the owls ur hootin en thers this wee shrill breeee, breeee!
Who or whit ur you?
So ah scans the leafless trees wey the big binoculars but cin only see the usual suspects, hing is nane ae thaim breeee, breeee like a high pitched auld hoose phone an thers nae auld hoose phones perched up the trees?
"Is that not a cricket?" Sais the academic wan
"Och awayI an no be silly." ..Reply I .. "Crickets at this time ae year? Plus the hing wid need tae be the size ae a feckin cricket bat tae make that racket." .. doo roo roo roo.. do roo roo roo.. You huv jist entered The Zone Of Twilight !
Agreed this mystery remains unresolved, but fear not, there will be further updates oan the situation as soon as this rouge tree dwellin hoose phone hus bin located?
Musical Mysteries
So ther wis moi listening tae the Psychedelic Porn Crumpets, but whit ah dinnae unnerstaun is how they fun God In A Tomato but no in a Cornflake?
I shall ponder this extremely important question whilst oan ma Marmalade March.
Whit! Shoorlies yer no plannin oan huvin jam pieces in bed ? I hear youse hink
Jings naw! Ther far too dangerous an inbed snack ...Crikey!
But mair importantly, no hink wee jaggy toast crumbs ur jist as worse, an how dae they git unnerneath yer T-shirt?
Boing! .."Time for B b b"...The Zebedee fella wis jist aboot tae announce.
Marmalade March - Psychedelic Porn Crumpets
But ah wis away ahead ae Springy ther.. Boing! "Nighty Night" Said I tae aw.
Physics
So thers moi readin this physics paper, as ye dae, when ah comes across non-perturbative quantization!
"Ay, very guid" ..Says I tae I.. "Whit the fuck is that aw aboot?"
So ah types intae ma browser non-perturbative quantization, meaning.
An the artificial super intellect, thit ah thought ah hud sacked, came back wey?
Meaning - Noun:- The denotation, referent, or idea associated with a word or phrase.
An Westminster Corruption wants this genius tae run a country?
The Language of Science
You cuid say thit the Scots language is a bit ae an enigma fur those thit dinnae spik it.
See staunerised Inglis wis introduced alang wey staunerised time so thit aw thaim unner the butchers apron wid know whit time ther train wis due tae git thaim tae ther work in the factories oan time.
But who speaks staunerised Inglis oot this wey?
Exactly..Nae'bdy!
So the wey ah see it is, if ye dinnae huv a dinky whit ah'm writin aboot in ma native tongue, en whit feckin chance wid ye huv ae unnerstaunin a singel wurd ae whit a wis pontificatin in a real life face tae face conversation?
Never mind whit yer Buchan Doric's or thaim oot ther in Bandit Territory wir oan aboot..Jingszo!
Jist as an example:
Thers a Weegie, a Dunediner an Aberdonian huvin a blether.
The Weegie speaks an the Embra punter says "I didnae quite git aw that"
En the Aberdonian says somehin, an baith the Weegie an Dunediner say "Whit the fuck is he oan aboot?"
See Scots is diverse an hus many dialects, jingszo! We canny unnerstaun each orrer!
So ther ye huv it, ma present list ae enigmas an scientific mysteries.
Nae doubt ther will be many mair such instances tae follow because ma whole life is a mystery, well it is tae me onywey!
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