Celebrated on December 31st each year, Hogmanay is a time for clearing out the old and welcoming in the new and this is reflected in the ancient customs and traditions surrounding this transition from one year to another.
Historians believe that many fascinating Hogmanay customs and traditions have their roots in pagan festivals such as the Norse Winter Solstice, the Viking Yule, and the Gaelic Samhain.
It is believed that many of the traditional Hogmanay celebrations were originally brought to Scotland by the invading Vikings in the early 8th and 9th centuries. These Norsemen, or men from an even more northerly latitude than Scotland, paid particular attention to the arrival of the Winter Solstice or the shortest day, and fully intended to celebrate its passing with some serious partying.
The traditional New Year ceremony would involve people dressing up in the hides of cattle and running around the village whilst being hit by sticks. The festivities would also include the lighting of bonfires and tossing torches.
Animal hide wrapped around sticks and ignited produced a smoke that was believed to be very effective in warding off evil spirits: this smoking stick was also known as a Hogmanay.
This is ma journal fur Saturday 30th December .
The day afore Auld Years Night
Today we start wir preparations fur round two eh the Big Bash tomorrow oan Auld years night an the first traditional Hogmanay rule is 'Oot Wey The Auld An In Wey The New '
Which fur some reason when translated intae the Scots means 'Tidy Up Yer Fuckin Hoose '
Fer doos, this is quite a guid call at this time eh year because nine times oot eh ten yer hoose hus'ny seen a hoover or a duster since previous tae December 24th an the flairs ur still aw covered in tinsel ,so it makes sense thit you should tidy the gaff up a wee bitty afore ye mess the place up again oan Hogmanay.
Fur many this is the day they take doon ther tree.
Of course oor trees awready doon,well it wis doon every day since it went up ,as a metter eh fact the hing wis doon mair thin it wis up fae the day it went up ,but it wis finally pit back in it's box fittingly enough oan Boxing Day.
The reason being Mizz Cutie Cat who chooses tae reside wey us, hinks the only reason the tree gits pit up in the first place is fur thaim tae ascend an tear doon jist as a wee seasonal treat !
Today is the day thit ah'm also oft asked "Whit the fuck ur ye daein noo ya radge ?"
The answer tae that question is quite simple ,ah'm shreddin aw the fire resistant festive wrapping paper in ma paper shredder.
The next question is usually " For why pray ,for why ?"
Well if ye must know ,ah ram aw these shredded non recyclable strips, whit wid jist become landfill ,intae same sized plastic bags ,en ah tie these stuffed wee bags up ,en ah tape thaim up tae seal in the paper.
Next ah tape thaim aw thegether an stick thaim in wan ur mair bin bags ,en ah tape these thegether jist tae make door sausage draught excluders,an sometimes ah even cover these hings wey plush fabrics .
Wher dae people actually hink draught excluding door sausages come fae ?
Exactly,moi here manufactures the hings fae auld wrapping paper .*
* Jist tae confirm thit enterprising as moi here might be ,ah don't actually manufacture every door sausage in the world ,that wid be a ridiculous statement tae make ,crikey ah wid need tae yase next doors auld wrappin paper annaw fur tae manufacture that amount eh door sausages !
Anyway ,that will be aw wir auld paper shredded ,but it's no sealed in it's wee bags thit go intae the big bags yit cause thers mair important hings tae be gittin oan way the day, such as 'Sourcin the Neerdy provisions ' and today as you cin imagine is ay a very busy day doon the street .
But as the wise Tuco from The Good The Bad And The Ugly would have said
You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend:
Thers thaim thit's desperately scramblin aboot doon the street in an attempt tae purchase as much intoxication as is conceivably possible tae swally in wan night wey oot the aid eh the emergency services an a stomach pump.
Then thers the second kind like moi here who is concentratin oan the essentials required tae see the auld year oot ,an these items happen tae be ,puff pastry ,stewin steak an sausages which will aw be lovingly combined in the big ashet by masel ,wey oot the addition eh fuckin Bisto gravy granules .
Whit , the maist important hing fur Hogmanay is a fuckin Steak Pie ?
Ay well wir back tae tradition here again ,because traditionally yer
meant tae stay sober furra Bells (that’s midnight ) en crack a can at
the dinner table while yer scrannin yer Neerday steak pie ,thit
traditionally didnae actually huv tae be a steak pie , back in the day
yer midnight scran wid huv been whitever wisnae rank rotten an still fit
tae eat thit might be kickin aboot in yer pantry, because traditionally
way back in the auld days ,no cunt hud a fridge freezer.
But afore ye go tuckin intae yer midnight bevy cuisine ,here's a wee word eh warnin aboot steak pies fae Quint
Right so if ye’ve gone wey tradition ,at the Bells ye’ve aw held
hauns ,chanted the furst two lines eh Old Long Since , jist lined yer
stomach by guzzlin yer steak pie, an if ye’ve cooked the hing properly,
urny skitterin aw oor the shop (Which we will take as tae be the case )
So if aw hus gone accordin tae plan ,ye shuid noo find thit yer
partaking in a wee pint or three eh guid cheer at 2.00 a.m. in the
morning in anticipation eh yer first fitters.*
*Traditionally yer first footer shuid be a tall dark stranger an no a tall blonde Viking wey an axe.
Mair oft thin no these days yer first fitter at 3.00 o’clock in the
mornin will be a tall darkly dressed stranger, better known in these
parts as the Polis ,who traditionally jist turn up at 3.00 a.m. tae
inform Nerday revelers thit it might be a decent idea tae turn ther
fuckin music doon !
Right ,so anywey ,yer furst first fitter hus jist arrived at the door
, traditionally the first question usually asked eh yer first fittin
tall dark, Viking or orrerwise is ” Whers ma fuckin coal ?”
An they shuid reply ” Lang may ye reek “
These traditional greetings will ensure guid luck an happiness fur yer chimney throughout the forthcoming year .
* Fur those of you thit live in nice new warm insulated hooses thit dinnae huv chimneys, you guys jist remmemer tae turn aff yer electric cooker afore ye git reekin or yer hoose cuid go up like a lum ,which wid actually be defeating the purpose eh this traditional greeting !
So whit happens oan Nerday in Scotland en ?
Well this will aw depend oan the nick yer in ah suppose .
If yersel hus shown a wee bitty restraint oan Ald Years Night, then
fur youse the possibilities ur unlimited cause youse cin dae whitever ye
want . This is unless ye never partook fur the simple reason ye huv yer
work tae go tae oan Nerday .
If this is the case an you happen tae be workin oor the festive season, en it’s a Big Thank You wey hunners eh hugs and kisses fae the rest eh us xxxxxxx
Oan the orrer haun, if yer a traditionalist imbiber , then you’ll be
daein no a lot .These unfortunates will mair thin probably still be
leathered or lyin aboot in ther beds hungover.
Fur this reason it is up tae us who huv learnt restraint tae cater
for these unfortunates an aid thaim through ther time eh self inflicted
grief .So jist fur aw those who huv overindulged.
Here's a big greasy fried up full Scottish Nerday breakfast wey sausages , squer sliced , links ,bacon ,haggis ,black puddin ,tattie scones ,egg an beans..Yummy !
What dae ye mean you don't know whit tae say .
Jist say thank you.
Your welcome ...Ha Ha Ha Ha
There are ,as ther is every year ,many Nerday events gaun oan roon
about the country ,jist as ther ur totally hunners eh orrer Hogmanay
traditions thit a huvny even mentioned , mainly because the many of
youse who wirny overzealous wey yer cargo last night ,an urny still
tucked up in yer scratcher ,will probably be attending and enjoying one
or more of such events .
Whitever yer daein though : Huv A Guid Wan an Awrabest fur 2024
Slàinte Mhath
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