Pirates

Avast me hearties this be me favourite day
Today September 19th be

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

so it be, aaaarrr

So I launched me piratical mind and spent yesterday compiling a list of recommended viewing which I wid imagine will end up something like as follows :

First up here be real pirate talk from Robert Newton as Long John Silver in Treasure Island ,an adventure novel by Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson, telling a story of “buccaneers and buried gold”.
The original title was : The Sea Cook: A Story for Boys

Avast Behind , it has to be Pirates of the Caribbean ..the box set up next.

Parley. I invoke the right of parley. According to the Code of the Brethren set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew

I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".
The code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules

I am no that keen oan the long winded Pirates of the Caribbean wan though ,so efter the furst three Captain Jack Sparrow’s it will be time tae lighten the mood and lets face it ,you just can not huv a Pirate Day withoot a good old chanty and this has to be the chanty of them all .

So why no spend some time on this briniest of days singin alang wae an all star cast of Muppets …..aaaaarrrrrr

I actually still huv two chanty’s ..ye canny beat a chanty scallywags ,you never know when you might need wan ,I keep flooers in mine these days ,as in plant type flooers ,no the powdered stuff you make breid and cakes wae ,I tend tae jist yase that flooer straight fae the bag ,well except the buoyant, seafaring Self Raising ,I keep that in a watertight jar ,aaarrr

I digress ,back tae the list.

Skulduggery and crossbones around the Caribbean wae Burt Lancaster and Nick Cravat in The Crimson Pirate hus tae be on this list and will probably be next up

But shiver me timbers shipmates ,what about probably the fiercest pirate ever to have plundered the seven seas and probably the greatest adventure story never told that nobody has ever heard of.
With a cast of really vicious comedians, I present to ye scurvy dogs

Yellowbeard

Serious problems abound though shipmates .

I have found me stripy jersey ,that was the easy bit as I have numerous stripy jerseys in me treasure chest ,but wher be me black eye patch ? say I to Eye ,Aye !
I can only find me white patch which aint exactly pirate ,it be more surgical.
I did find some black ,blackout sleeping shades though which cover two eyes , they be fuckin dangerous things to wear while making tea, they be ,scalded me timbers ..aaarrrrrr

Plus ,and this is significant , I canny fun ma plastic cutlass ..fuck ! A plastic cutlass be a major requirement for Pirate Day .
Wan of ma adult offspring is probably away swashbuckling aroon The Firth Of Clyde wae the hing ,scurvy dog

Talking aboot scurvy ,you can thank a Scottish doctor fur yer non suppurating gums and the average modern seafaring mooth being full of teeth alang wae a distinct lack of Typhus efter yer two week all inclusive luxury cruise doon the wa’ater tae Millport you know .

This wis doon tae James Lind FRSE FRCPE (1716 – 1794) a Scottish doctor and pioneer of naval hygiene in the Royal Navy.
By conducting one of the first ever clinical trials ,he developed the theory that citrus fruits cured scurvy.

JAMES LIND

Aye well it looks like the only option open tae me at such short notice will be tae lop off a leg tae make up for ma deficiency in imitation swords ,but wher dae ye find a widen leg and a crutch lying aboot the hoose ? I don’t huv time tae whittle a prosthetic limb fae a tree stump , aaarrrr

So jist tae get intae the mood, another wee shanty is in order , this will help tae stem the flow of blood from me partially dismembered limb ,how fuckin long does it take tae saw yer average leg aff ? ,jings , that has been a hour already and I have barely broken the skin , I will need to practice this for next year or even better ,jist plunder a new plastic cutlass fae Bargain Buys , I canny plunder fuck all today because all the shops be shut ,so they be .

Feel free tae hoist the Jolly Rodger and chant in unison

Talk Like A Pirate Day Song

Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day! Whatever’s in fashion is in for a thrashin’ And bein’ polite is passe!