Yule
21st December
Jings’zo today is the winter solstice which means that this is the shortest day and the longest night of the year here in the Northern Hemisphere . The 21st of December is also Yule so A very Merry Yule tae wan and a’
Some research wis required here tae fun oot whit this short day wis all about .
Today ma wee neurotic psychoanalytical lobes started sending oot wee festive signals tae wan another and wan lobe says tae the other “Is Yule no jist anorrer wurd fur Xmas ? ”
” I thought you would ask that question ” replied the temperate neurotic tae the full frontal ” I had already concluded using ma inbuilt improbability cortex that you wid get roon tae askin a stupit feckin question like this on the volitional understanding that only a short circuiting diversion like yersell wid mair than likely be inclined tae squander valuable neurons on such a trivial impulse “
“Well whits the answer then smart arse ?” This diversion replied tae ma impulsive grey matter
This sudden and unexpected tumultuous discharge of current surging through the vast empty void of ma brain oan a cold dark winter morning forced wan of ma frontal lobes tae send some pulsating chemical and electrical signals back tae ma temporal lobe which in turn replied wae the Glaswegian answer tae the ultimate question ” Life ,the universe and everything ”
Fuctifano
you will huv tae Google that wan I am afraid
Aye OK then , so I Google’s the question ‘ is Yule no jist annorrer wurd fur Xmas ?’ then configured Googles haverins intae ma ain wurds , as you do if you huv nothin better tae dae wae yer time than Google shit
Right so Google says , in ma ain wurds,
I suppose Xmas and Yule are inexplicably intertwangled these days .The main difference is that Xmas or Christmas is a Christian festival which is quite a modern concept in the anus of history ,where as Yule is much much older and goes away back tae aefore yer religious punter started believing in a wan god fur something tae dae oan ther day aff .
The Xmas annuals ( remember them ?) of hysterical belief are voluminous , complicated and mair difficult tae unravel than the Gordian Knot , no three threeilogical researchers huv ever come tae the same conclusions on the subject of ancient ritualistic pastimes and lets face it who knows whit Boab and Irene Neanderthal or Mr and Mrs Homer Erectus did oan Xmas day , fur this reason I huv yased ma pathetic licence tae condensation this bit intae as few lines as miraculously possible.
The Ancient Egyptians
I started ma research wae the Ancient Egyptologists and huv tae say that a jist copied and pasted maist of this bit ,cause it wis getting so fuckin boring I kept dosing aff then rolling aff the big blow up exercise ball which I am using tae sit oan at the moment, rether than a chair ,cause that is the hip and trendy thing tae dae these days , it is a fuckin ball-ocks hippy trend and I will be returning tae sittin oan a fuckin chair like normal cunts efter the Ne’erday bells ,perhaps even sooner if I end up with a line of sutures doon ma napper caused by fallin face first intae ma Aspidistra elatior ,which although harmless enough by itsell ,is contained within a big fuck off clay pot, which wid gee you a right dull wan if it came intae contact wae a forwardly mobile ,semi conscious coupon, who’s erse hud jist rolled aff a highly unstable, large inflatable ball .
Right lets get oan wae these Ancient Egyptians and ther Winter Solstice
Like many ancient cultures, the Egyptians celebrated the Winter Solstice for 12 days starting on December 21st.
They actually had a special celebration on the 25th December for the re-birth of the sun. The Egyptian sun god was called Ra. For the three days prior to the 25th, the sun (Ra) would barely be visible during the daytime because it was at its lowest point in the sky. On the 25th December, the sun would finally rise, leading to the Egyptians celebrating the re-birth of the sun god Ra or as it would later be known; the birth of the Sun of God
Akhenaten and Atenism
Some histerical theological’s recon this wan god idea popped oot the heid of an Ancient Egyptian gadgy called Akhenaten
Probably no yer first choice candidate for proof of evolution through natural selection ,but Akhenaton’s androgynous appearance is referenced as a prime example of over familiarity between close family members.
Akhenaten forbade the worship of other gods, a radical departure from the centuries of Egyptian religious practice. But did he chop doon a pine tree oan the midwinter solstice or burn a Yule log ? Probably no, did they even huv pine trees in Ancient Egypt ? But yer auld Egyptors did decorate their wee hooses wae palm leaves at this time of year
Anyway yer Ancient Egyptians wer’ny overly chuffed wae his ideas so they broke the noses aff a’ Akhenaten’s statues and went back tae daein ther ain thing
Next up Zo-Roaster
Other Theopolises say this first solo divinity wis the brain haemorrhage of Zoroaster ( no tae be cofused wae the masked Mexican equalizer) .
Mr Zo-roaster wis an ancient Persian chanting poet who believed in wan supreme being and came up wae the idea of leaving the big light oan at night tae keep the dark oot along wae the concept of it’s nice tae be nice , decorating trees wis also a wee idea that Zo-roaster came up wae.
The celebration of Winter solstice is an age-old Zoroastrian sacred rite. The time of winter solstice in the Zoroastrian sacred lore symbolizes the defeat of darkness and gloom in the moment when all hope has faded. It is in this exact moment that the Invincible Sun, the energy of light/brilliance triumphs over sorrow and sadness.
The ancient Roman Mithraists themselves were convinced that their religion, the religion of SOL INVICTUS or the “Invincible Sun,” was founded by none other than the seer/prophet of the ancient Indo Europeans, Zarathustra
Although naebody is a hunner percent sure of exact dates yer man Zoroaster ther is still considered tae huv patented his monolithic idea quite a wee bitty earlier than the Hebrews ,Judaism and ther wan chief religion ,as a matter of fact Judaism is thought tae be made up fae bits and pieces taken fae both Atenism and Zoriasterism
Next wan please
Baby Jesus who Christmas is actually named efter wis Jewish himsell before the Ancient Romans converted him tae Christianity .Ther is no really much point in spending time covering this wan cause the autobiographical film of the book will no doubt be screened 24/7 over the festivities therefore yoose can a’ jist watch the outcome of this tradition live oan the telly while eating yer turkey dinosaurs and oven chips wae gravy .
Oor Scottish Winter Solstice Jamboree
Right where dae we in Scotland get oor traditions fae then Bampot’s neurons ?
Well before any of these wan gods were imagined maist folk thought that the sun wis a big wheel that stopped working for twelve days roon aboot Xmas time .But remember this wis afore Xmas wis invented and a couple of days earlier . These duderino’s hud ther shindig roon aboot the 21st of December ,and this is where maist of oor festive traditions come fae.
Oor festive Noelic ideas ur often regarded as huvin been developed fae earlier Bronze Age religious beliefs found among the Germanic Iron Age peoples and were spread by word of mooth through the Germanic languages which likely emerged in the first millennium BCE in present-day northern Germany or Denmark, several of the deities in Old Norse religion huv parallels among other Germanic societies
“Whit in the name of the wee man hus a’ this got tae day wae oor Scottish midwinter celebrations ?” screamed a rouge chemical signal tae ma temporal lobe ,will you fuckin get oan wae it.
“This I shall given relay time ” Said another signal in reply tae this wayward impulse ” Restrain yer agitation, we are getting closer tae the modern festivities bit noo “
” Well hurry up and get oan wae it then ya fuckin radgepot ” said ma frontal lobe tae the rest of ma cerebral cortex .
So a will , starting wae Yule and Yuletide which is the festive period
Yule
Yule starts on Tuesday, 21 December and ends on Saturday, 1 January 2022
The Scots word “Yule” comes from the Old Norse “jól, which was the pagan celebration of the winter solstice.
Many of oor current festive traditions actually originate fae pagan solstice customs, such as decorating the Yule tree. Brightly coloured decorations would be hung on a pine tree to symbolise the various stellar objects .It is generally assumed that the Vikings brought the celebration of Yuletide tae Scotland unless they did’nae and these celebrations jist arrived wae Santa
The Yule Log
Traditionally the Yule log wis wan big damp piece of wood ,usually oak, which wis dragged oan tae the fire then left tae smoulder for the twelve days of Yule
The Yule log wis a Norse custom and burning the Yule log wis a celebration of the sun during the winter months.
According to tradition it was extremely unlucky for a barefooted woman or a squint eyed man to see the yule log; and a flat footed visitor to the house whilst the log was burning was a very bad omen.
Keeping Yule /Christmas cake or the remains of the Yule Log under the bed was also thought to help get rid of chilblains.
The log has subsequently influenced other Christmas traditions including desserts such as log shaped cakes.
Father Xmas -Santa or Odin
Odin was called the Allfather or Yule father he lived in Asgard up there in the Arctic circle (That will be the North Pole tae us Santa believers ) .Odin wis known fur geein prezzies and dishin stuff oot ,he wis also best buddies wae gift making elves who were called Odin’s men, yer man liked dressing up in a long cloak disguised as an auld gadga wae a long white beard and during the nights of Yule he wid tear aboot the skies oan his wild hunt wae his eight legged horse Sleipnir ,who sometimes pulled a sleigh, rewarding the good and punishing the bad.
The Norse believed that Odin knew if they were bad or good.
Nordic stories tell of children leaving straw and carrots in their boots as a gift for a hungry Sleipnir fresh from the Wild Hunt. In exchange, they would find their boots filled with gifts in the morning.
The hat known as Santa Hat today is modeled after the Phrygian Cap, or more accurately the classic Mithraic Cap used in the worship of the Sun and other Cosmic Powers
So don’t be surprised if when you wake up oan Xmas morning ,you find a fully grown Viking warrior lying steemin under yer festive tree . Aye
“But which Santa left my presents ? ” Ma grey matter often asks itsell
This is an easy dispute tae resolve ,the clue is in the eyes . Yer Viking Santa will only huv wan eye whereas yer Mr Clause ,in general ,usually hus mair than wan eye , two tae be precise .
The trick is tae keep a vigil oan the socks that no doubt you will huv hung oan the mantle piece ,and see who fills them . Once you huv set eyes oan the eyes of the delivery agent and performed a quick numerical calculation, yer ain personal visitation should now huv been identified .
This confirmation is subject tae yer numerical calculation amounting tae nae mair than two ,three four or mair eyes means that ,either you are attending a party ,you have drunk wan to many of Rudolph’s carrots or you are presently being burglarized.
Carols and Caroling
Though they were almost certainly of a very different character than modern day Christmas carols, the Norse peoples sang Yule carols. Nordic children would wear scary masks and go door-to-door among their neighbours singing carols, just like they huv tae dae noo cause of the COVID .
Gifts of cakes and sweets
These items were offered to the fates (Norns) and mother (fertility and nurturing) forces that probably originated with older Indo-European cults, but suffused the Aesir Goddesses of the Viking Age (such as Freya and Frigg) and is the same idea as sharing yer ever diminishing in size, large box of Cadburys Celebrations wae yer granny
Wreaths
The Ancient Persians made wreaths called Diadems ,the Ancient Egyptians made wreaths called Chaplets and we a’ know that the Ancient Greeks and Romans liked a wee wreath or two tae themsells
But yer ‘Happy Holidays’ wreaths like the wans we stick oan the front door ,well no the plastic wans cause yer auld Norse Germanic peoples never hud plastic ,real wreaths made fae holy and ivy became quite commercial during the Happy Holiday festivities known as Yule ,these wreathes would have candles placed roon them as they were a representation of the wheel and a celebration of the return of the light.
Wan Yule tradition involved making large wheels of pine boughs, lighting them on fire, and rolling them down a hill in honor of the sun. The roon shape of wreaths also depicted the cyclical nature of the seasons and of the Norse conception of the cosmos/time. .
This is a similar concept tae the Burning of the Clavie up ther in Moray where the punters tae this very day still like tae set fire tae shit roll it doon a hill .
“The clavie, traditionally a wooden barrel filled with staves, is paraded through the town and up to the top of a local hill where it will burn well in to the next day.”
“This is a’ well and good ,but what aboot oor modern fatty in the red suit that humps the sack full of crap aboot oan his sleigh and skitters doon oor chimneys , and whit aboot the reindeer ? “
It is generally considered by festive scholars that the Hamshanks across the pond and a wee poem ur responsible for this .
Clement Clarke Moore (1779 – 1863) wrote the poem Twas the night before Christmas also called “A Visit from St. Nicholas” in 1822.
The first publication date was 23rd December 1823 and it was an immediate success. It was not until 1844 that Clement Clarke Moore claimed ownership when the work was included in a book of his poetry.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!
Where does Rudolph fit intae the story then ?
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph first appeared in a 1939 booklet written by Robert L. May and published by Montgomery Ward, the department store.
The story chronicles the experiences of Rudolph, a youthful reindeer buck (male) who possesses an unusual luminous red nose. Mocked and excluded by his peers because of this trait, Rudolph proves himself one Christmas Eve with poor visibility due to inclement weather. Rudolph takes charge and accelerates to hypersonic magic speed where he releases his harness and flies off allowing all the other reindeer along wae Santa’s and his sleigh to crash head on into a cliff face ,killing them all instantly
Ho Ho Ho
May yez a’ suffer fae an overindulgence of happiness, festive cheer and good will . A Very Merry Xmas ,Yule , Winter Solstice Tae wan and a’
Whatever or wherever you celebrate
So here’s Jethro Tull ringing oot his Solstice Bells tae get yoose in the mood
Atenism :- https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atenism
Zoroastrian Winter Solstice :- https://authenticgathazoroastrianism.org/2017/12/24/zoroastrian-winter-solstice-celebrations-and-the-pagan-origins-of-the-christmas-tree/
Santa and Odin -Christmas and Yule :- https://sonsofvikings.com/blogs/history/viking-origins-of-christmas-yule-traditions
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