FRIGGATRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA

 August 13th

And afore yooze start I am not irrational ,far from it, would an irrational person jump oot of a second flair windae oan Friday the 13th ? Naw, exactly ,point proven ,anyway I didnae jump, well no intentionally anyway.

Today is friggatriskaidekaphobia day ,if yer that way inclined
I um no cause I am a totally irrational person .

“Whit is friggatriskaidekaphobia and what ur you haverin oan about noo ya fuckin bampot ?” says you tae moi

Well in simpletons terms friggatriskaidekaphobia is a big fuck off word that a didnae make up ,yes I know that sometimes a make up words ,sometimes, like oan days ma spell check is’nae workin ,I wish a hud made this wan up cause it’s a peach ,but a did’nae ,this wan is actually a hunner percent bonafide real wurd .

Frigg :- In Norse mythology is the goddess of wisdom, where we get Friday from
Atriskaideka :- is derived from the Greek meaning three and 10, equalling 13.
And Phobia :- is from the Greek phobos meaning wasps make you sweat

Put it together and you get
Friggatriskaidekaphobia a fear of Friday the 13th which is today ,this phobia is also called Paraskevidekatriaphobia paraskevi, relating to Friday, and dekatria relating to the number

Some twisted loony tune pshyco analitical thought that wan up ,he reckoned that wance you could say the word Paraskevidekatriaphobia , that’s you cured of the fear..
Good eh .clever stuff this psycho analysing.

Happy Friday 13th tae yez world yer cured

As fur phobias , I have a severe dislike of wa’asps , masell and wa’asps huv hud wurds oan several occasions ,and a can say the wurd wasp as well ,ther a will say it again in capital letters jist tae prove that I can say WASPS , saying the word WASP dis’nae work fur me

I can say wasp, I can sing wasp

I can even sing wasps tae Eine kleine Nachtmusik

Wasp .. wasp wasp ..Wasp wasps are total cunts ….. Wasp .. wasp wasp ..Wasp wasps are total cunts

Saying or singing wasp makes no difference tae me ,it still does’ny stop me sweating like a fuckin rapist every time a get locked in a room wae wan of the real pissed off fucked up nasty stinging little creatures , does it ? Naw ..like right noo ,as in today Friday 13th .. BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZ

Wa’asps defenition :- A wasp is any insect of the narrow-waisted suborder Apocrita of the order Hymenoptera which is neither a bee nor an ant it is just a fucked up pissed of cunt with a bad attitude .

And we all know what happened the last time you were locked in a room wae a wasp on Friday the 13th don’t we ? Well you don’t ,but I dae . And that brings me conveniently on to that other International Day of celebration my diary tells me is today .

Today Friday 13th is also International Blame Some Other Cunt Day . National Blame Someone Else Day is always celebrated on the first Friday the 13th of the year. Aye ,and that is exactly how I celebrated one Friday 13th not too long ago when I was spending some time repairing the window rybats of an empty derelict building from the relative safety of an alloy tower .

At 10.00 a.m. exactly I climbed in through the window of this empty building to access the relative safety of this empty room from the relative safety of the alloy tower I was working from ,so that I could huv ma morning piece in peace ,I was sitting there enjoying ma piece in peace when all of a sudden this wa’sp appeared fae nowhere and climbed inside my most refreshing but nearly finished can of gin and tonic with a dash of lime , I remonstrated my displeasure tae said wa’asp then issued it with a loud and coherent warning stating that it must evacuate my beverage forthwith or there would be consequences ,and did it ? ,did it fuck .

All the fucker did wis fly about ma nut buzzing like a feckin eejit then climbed back intae the hauf empty tin just as a wis aboot tae take ma last swally of the most excellent beverage ,as you can imagine I got a bit of a fright when ma lips sensed a buzzin can ,so I launched the insect infested tinny across the room intae unknown airspace ,cause ther wis nae light in the room it bein a derelict . How wis I tae know that the peeved wee bastard shared a paper hoose wae it’s pissed off sisters in the far corner of that particular room , and how wis I tae know that the hauf empty but most excellent beverage tin ,which was thrown without intentional malice I might add , intae unknown airspace , was about tae rip through a wasp convent.

Anyway the wee cunt’s were’ny happy aboot this so the a’ came oot in force and swarmed round about ma bonce fur some reason .It was at this point I decided tae evacuate masell fae the building , there was only wan way in and wan way oot ,so I launched ma piece bag oot the windae, forthwith ,and made a bolt fur it while waving ma erms boot like a demented traffic polis ,I sat on the windae cill ,the same method I yased tae access the building and without looking or thinking, cause I wis somewhat distracted wae a’ the buzzin and stinging ,made the wee leap of faith back oan tae the relative safety of the access tower .

I felt quite free for about point three of a second ,that was before the thud ,when I regained consciousness I was greeted by the vacant expression on the coupon of El Dumbo in chief who said ” Ye were lucky we tipped that sand there “

“Aye !! ” said I ” So I wis ,but a wid huv been even fuckin luckier if the relative safety of ma access tower wis still where a hud left it wid a no ? ” But it is pointless replying to the lower end of the evolutionary scale with sarcasm or a question tae a question .

It seems that this being Friday 13th ,the ground workers noticing there had not been any sign of life on the tower for nearly eight minutes had decided ,using ther combined intelligence of one brain between three ,tae move the thing along a few feet just so they could tip ther sand fur tae lay some slabs , I have to admit I have never known groundworkers tae use such stealth , usually you can hear those foul mouthed cunts screamin and bawlin at each other hauf a mile away fae the job .

So oan Friday 13th wan International Blame Some One Else Day ,not too long ago ,I celebrated by surviving a leap of faith getting stung tae fuck and blaming some other cunt for developing a severe dislike of wa’sps ,fortunately fur moi this did not develop intae friggatriskaidekaphobia

There you have it ,ma todays diary that didnae take place the day but did take place wan Friday 13th not too long ago .

Haud oan ,haud oan, don’t panic a didnae forget you left haunners .

August the 13th International Left Handers Day 

Your international day does not only fall on Friday 13th ,you lefty dudes get an international day every August the 13th ,Friday or otherwise ,for this reason I left you to the end ,not to be confused with International Mauchit Manky Mingin Hauns Day which is a oan different day, October 15th tae be precise.

Google tells me that you left hauners make up aboot twelve percent of the pollution of the world.

In a recent study of research papers, hunners of the fuckin things ,on left handed punters , the researchers researching the research papers discovered that half of these research studies had found that individuals who are left-handed score higher when it comes to creativity, imagination, daydreaming and intuition and they’re also better at rhythm and visualization. Then these same researchers, researching the same research papers discovered that the researchers who researched the other half of these research papers found out that they weren’t . So that clinched it fur me . Therefore it is widely regarded within the scientific community that left handers are jist normal like every other cunt.

Well maist of them ur , that fuckin bampot doon the street fae me is’nae fuckin normal ,aye him that hings his tea bags oot tae dry oan the whirly. There’s a definite fuckin wa’ant aboot him.

Anyway I wish awe yoose left hauners oot there a very happy International Left Haundit Day ,It’s no your fault yer brains ur back tae front is it .

And now a word from my advisor who suggests :- That boy needs therapy